Legion (2010)

Why I saw it: I’m a sucker for the supernatural. On film, that is. As often as I am disappointed with the results, within these kinds of films, I generally follow a “if you make it, I will come” policy.

The verdict: 3 out of 10/D

After watching Legion, I couldn’t keep myself from wondering how the pitch for this film went. I can’t imagine everyone present had a total grasp on what director/co-writer Scott Stewart exactly had in mind for this film. I don’t think he ever figured it out. With its absurd theology, incongruent plot, and meaningless contrivances, from the start, Legion must have been destined to appear during the annual horror-slump month better known as January. It’s no secret that Hollywood’s New Years burden is to generally release ill-fated studio efforts from the year before, with hopes to get some financial return on them. Quite often, these come in the form of sloppy horror outings, and Legion certainly fits the bill.

Religious lore makes for good cinema. The inherent good versus evil that headlines Hollywood’s usual religious inspiration, Christianity, provides ample room for protagonists, antagonists, conflict and all the other ingredients needed to make an entertaining film. Getting genre specific, the Bible provides great fodder for supernatural thrillers. With angels and demons, spiritual battles, and Heaven and hell, it provides the prototype for this type of film. Legion makes the fatal error of toying with this structure.

On the surface Legion has the potential to entertain. It contains a few innovative special effects, and it seems at one point there was a more congruous story, but all this is cut at the waist since the final product just doesn’t make the grade. Legion tells us that God is fed up with mankind and has ordered his angels to exterminate us. Michael, standing alone, rebels against God, falls to Earth, and holes up with a ragtag group of people in a Nevada-dessert diner. He is there to protect Charlie, 8 months pregnant with a child that Michael knows will grow to lead mankind in a new direction. Of course, this is news to Charlie. For the majority of the film, the group fends off angels turned nasty, who are bent on possessing mankind so they may kill the unborn baby and anyone else who gets in their way.

That’s right, I said possess; typically something you associate with a demon, no? Therein lays Legion’s biggest problem. The film changes too much of what we believe about angels and demons without an intelligent explanation, making it hard to digest the story and accompanying visuals. As if God’s wish for our demise isn’t enough of a massive theological plot hole, the angels come to mimic their foes and everything we know about them goes out the window. With razor sharp teeth, potty mouths, and a penchant for death, they are essentially demons that the film calls angels. It’s a very conflicting plot device and its careless treatment makes the filmmakers look ignorant. It's no easy task to convince an audience that angels are capable of or prone to such brutality. It’s the equivalent of revealing Santa Claus to be the killer in a slasher flick. I just don’t buy it, and Legion certainly doesn’t sell it. Notwithstanding a last-minute plot twist that sinks the filmmakers intelligence even lower, this film could have saved itself some trouble and identified the villains as demons acting on Lucifer’s behalf.

Allow me to establish that I am not a filmgoer who requires strict compliance with logic or what I perceive as truth. However, a film that knowingly turns convention on its head should provide an explanation or integrate it into the plot in a captivating way. This just isn’t done here, and instead, the story appears to be the brainchild of a videogame nerd who had one too many bong hits.

Legion also fails on a second front that may have resuscitated it in some form: the characters it presents. A good “strangers banding together to fight the bad guy” film has interesting strangers. The different characters color the film and make us hope for the best as they defend themselves and each other. Unfortunately for us, the people who find themselves at the Paradise Falls Diner on this woeful day are boring and generic. Even Charlie, pregnant with the soon-to-be-savior, is hardly likelable. While there really are no awful performances by the cast, save a ridiculous accent from Lucas Black, the actors seem to be painting by the numbers. Truthfully, they exist only to be taken out by the “angels” and they all know it. A little character development would have gone a long way.

I didn’t expect much from Legion. With a poster that displays a ripped Paul Bettany looking to the heavens, how could I? With a little more thought and some deference to its subject matter, it could have been a fun popcorn flick. But, it has far too many plot inconsistencies to mention and leaves many vital questions unanswered. When the credits roll you wonder how many people died in this onslaught? What was God thinking? Will Jeep be able to read the squiggly tattoos that suddenly appear on his arm so he can fulfill the prophecy? What is the prophecy? It is lazy filmmaking at its best, yet still doesn’t qualify for the “So Bad, It’s Good” category. Legion will make its run through theaters, surely surpass its $26M budget, convince a few tortured souls to buy the DVD, and will then be tucked away with its other January brethren. If you want to look it up, find the file labeled “It Was Just Bad.”